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Presence, not presents

With Thanksgiving in the rearview and only 18 days until Christmas (yes, you read that right—less than three weeks!), we are in the thick of the holiday season. In our American culture, this time of year is synonymous with gift-giving, and thus, the Buying engine roars to life, desperately trying to get our attention with sales, coupons, early-bird specials, free shipping deals, and all the rest. The message is to buy more, more, more for a better, better, better holiday.

We’re here to refute that.

Gifts on display on front door ledge outside a resident’s apartment at Willow Brook at Delaware Run. Many of our residents decorate their ledges and front doors for the holidays. 

A few weeks ago, the Babbling Brook posed the following question to staff: what is the best gift you have ever received? And every response we got was the same in this one, key way: it wasn’t Just Stuff. No one gushed about their double-basket Ninja air fryer, their body lotion gift set, or their new wool scarf.

No, by and large, the best gifts were not presents, but presence. Here’s are our favorites:

“The best gift I received was for my 50^th birthday. My husband and daughter surprised me by flying my daughter in from Washington D.C. for the weekend. My husband went ‘to the store’ and brought our daughter back with him. We had a lovely weekend together.” –Lisa

“My greatest gift of all is my daughter.” –Natalie

Even when the best gifts were actual presents, they were imbued with the human touch. The people behind the gifts, and the love and sentiment with which they were given, made these gifts special—special enough to be remembered and venerated decades later. We were touched by these:

“The best gifts I have ever received were from my daughter when she was between 8 and 10 years old.  She handmade me “gift cards” that she put on a key ring that were good for back scratches, hugs, kisses, house chores etc…My kids are now 23 and 26 but, I still tell them that time spent with them or thoughtful cards mean more than any store bought gift, and I truly mean it.” –Kelly

“One of my favorite gifts is a framed picture of Cleveland Municipal Stadium my grandfather bought for me at a flea market many years ago. When I was a kid, he took me to several Cleveland Browns and Cleveland Indians games at Municipal Stadium and those are some of my fondest childhood memories. The stadium was torn down when they made way for the new stadium 25 years ago, but that place (as rough around the edges as it was) has always maintained a special place for me. I still have it hanging in my basement and I think of him every time I see it.” –Adam

We think these stories and fond recollections are especially poignant as we emerge from 2+ years of virtual Christmases, FaceTimed birthdays, visits through windows or other barriers, and having our faces covered with masks. These things were necessary and lifesaving at the time, and certainly kept people alive. But as we have discovered, these measures came with a cost: we lived at the expense of tangible human connection. When babies or infants go without this type of physical connection, they fail to thrive. Now we know that ALL of us can feel the effects of isolation and lack of connection with other people, and at no time is this more evident than the holiday season. Folks who are alone, living far from loved ones, are homebound, ill, or struggling in other ways may find this holiday season anything but bright and cheery. A Season of Stuff is not the answer to their hurt.

Presence. Yes, let’s strive for that in the three or so weeks that we have until Christmas, and take it with us into the new year. The gift of presence—of being there for someone, showing up, putting down our technology and listening, and of cherishing the people who make our lives so special is the best gift we can give. It’s called Love.